“I am Pigmy, I eat you.” An S & J original
written by S on a sunny night
for J who needs some good ol’ fashioned fried turkey.
S & J are at a local mall, just chilling it, bumming it as usual… (It happens to be a slow day in the crime world)
S- I love these pink flowered shirts, don’t you?
J- No, *in a snobbish accent* I’d prefer them in retail.
S- I know exactly what you mean, it’s so hard to shop off these already customers *stevie offers more money to the woman wearing the pink flowered shirt*
J- I don’t think she’s selling my darling
S- *notices the woman backs away slowly, smiles invitingly*
J- Oh waiter, waiter! *snaps fingers*
S- *starts speaking to the woman via gestures and grins* (the woman has already left the mall premise)
J- I need an Ice-T
S- We can’t all have happy dawgs at our disposal!
J- *finally taking notice of Stevie’s dilemma* I’m sorry about the shirt.
J- There there, *pats her shoulder* Waiter!
S- I feel a little better now, *sniffle*
J- It seems these “malls” are ill-equipped with slave service for my every whim and need…
S- Tragic, really tragic
J- It’s all up to me, I’ll have to construct a new slave-creature-beast
J- No, not you! Come out here, *summons S back to the campsite*
S- My word, how did we ever make it to a campsite?
J- That’s not important! Now… *takes out a bic pen from her pocket* I did this once… I wonder how I did that… but I know that I can do it again
S- Good luck my friend. *hands J ceremonial black book that seems to have come out of nowhere, similar to the campsite in the middle of the mall they were carelessly harassing*
J- *chants special phrase “I was fighting the mold in the bowl with my pee…”*
S- ooo classic, write us a story punk rock chick!
J- No problem! *writes writes writes*
…After several hours of this
S- uh jepp, how’s the story?
J- Shush! It’s a delicate process!
S- I don’t think it’s working…
J- How dare you contradict me! Skum!
S- … Um, well can I read it?
J- Yes, but I want a slave like bubbles, even though Bubbles isn’t a slave, to pop out of my pen soon, so don’t take too long!
S- *reads a little* Jepp.
S- This isn’t a story. It’s a picture of me eating a badly represented piece of pineapple… at least I think that’s me and a pineapple. And these here look like pigmies… sticking spears into my butt… and there’s a couple splotches here that look like they should be words… but the letter “R” is used far too much to achieve this…
J- *blushes* I think she likes it
S- *blank stare* I’m gobsmacked.
J- Yes, I tired to represent that in this part here *points to Stevie’s lower back*
S- You’re hopeless, and you didn’t draw this, this is me, my actual body.
S- It is.
J- That’s what they ALL say *points to imaginary people*
S- Yes, yes it is. *nods*
J- You have no idea what I’m talking about! Stevie!
S and J then transform and decide to never take a day off from crime fighting ever again… (for it makes them crazy) – the solar monkeys arrive then in a huge flock, two large ones swoop down and S & J ride them off to victory over Evil in the Land! The only thing left in the mall was a flaming message fashioned by Bubbles as they left, it read: “I am Pigmy, I eat you”
Until next time!